"为你做不可能的事,为你失去理智,为你我做了太多的傻事..."
I start to have alot of doubt in myself. Sometimes i really wonder if things will go the way i wanted it to be? However i've finally gotten the answer after much thinking. No,it'd never be. Nothing will go the way you wanted it. It's of how much effort you've put in. However,sometimes even the hard work you put in,it'd also never go the way you wanted it to be. Nothing is of your control,nothing.
Just like my relationship & my studies. Yes,i did improve on all my subjects,everything. But you see,even if my teacher were to give me the chance to take O level maths next year,i still needa put in extra x 2 hard work,compare to others. I needa catch up with them,alot. It's not tweeny weeny tiny bits,it's alot. Yes,alot. If i really wanna persude it. I needa really strive double times harder than others. If i really want,i knew i could. However,the main problem in my now is,i'm mentally un-prepare. I've got to self confidence at all. N-O-N-E!
Relationship,i thought i could be happy always,but it's never what you think. Think occur unexpectedly. You can't predict the future,least the heaven knows where the story goes. It's all compromises to make this relationship work out well. If nothing such were given in,nothing such would have happen. If not perserverence,nothing such would have happen at all. A relationships depends alot on trust,faith and mostly importantly,having a love not lust. Without trust,many things will occur,i.e quarrels will occur even if it's a small trival matter. And i dare to admit that,i gone through all this before,without emper trust,nothing will turn out will & the way you wanted it to be. A relationship needs alot of good foundation. Needa alot of trust. And until now,i still don't have 100% trust towards my partner. It's easy saying having trust,but when the matter really occurs on you,it's really hard to forgive & forget when you actually realise something that would make you really turn-off & get to know that you're being hide in the dark. When truth reveals,it's hard to accpect the fact. I ,too,really tried every means to have more trust towards my partner,but i knew the process is really tough & hard. You'd have more perserverence than others.
From there,i started to grew up mentally.
I needa have my own stand,firmly rooted to the grown.
What i wanted,persue it.
What i think i can't,just try my best.
What i think i can,might not be true,hard works shows what you want.
Main idea of this post is : Have firm stand. Don't get distracted half-way. Everything are not of you to control. You needa put in much more effort to see the things you want.
I've decided,i won't cry if i can't take O math paper at the very end,cause i knew,i've tried my best already. It's the best i've never had. : ]
After so much of reflection and deep thoughts,i've finally found a way out & i happen to realise that,i've navie thinking back then. It's really silly of me to have the thinking that,you'll get what you want,cause everything is of your control. Bullshit. Nothing such will happen. It's all wishful thinking.
Baby you put me through so many emotions,ups and downs.
Lonely and despair,mixtures of hate yet love.
But i really wanna thank you.
For making me understand so much after those great emotions i've gone through. Lemme understand so much. Lemme know that i'm actually that silly & naive. Thanks for not blaming me,instead giving lea-way. Thanks for every little things you've done for me back then till now. No words could express how much i love you. No words can spell how my heart is feeling right now,this moment. Thanks for letting me go to so many meaningful deeps thoughts.
With all my life,i'll love you through forever. I'll never let you leave. I'd never let you to go with other nor pushing you away anymore. Each time i see you leaving,the back-view of yours,i can't help but to hold back that tears & tell myself,everything would be okay the moment you left. Having that thinking that you turn your back on me,leaving me for her. It hurt deep down. But i'll stop this thinking,cause i'm not a small girl anymore. I might look like one,who needa alot of care,yes i'm. But i'm mentally independent.
I've widen the view of mine.
Look a-far & you'll see nicer view from that small view you always had ,before.
It's brighter and fresher.
Start afresh,my aim. :)
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